L: What it has to do with ego and essence. 

Michaelgrp: Do you have an example of the kind of forgiveness you are looking for?

L: Essence driven motives vs. ego. Well, kind of this victim-pattern I have been dealing with in myself and others for a long time, trying to figure it out. 

Michaelgrp: People often mistake forgiveness for an interactive quality. It is not that. Forgiveness is a state of being wherein a personal decision is made to overlook a hurt or miscommunication or cruelty for the purpose of rising above the state of misery that exists when you are in pain and anger and have not forgiven yet. Ego gets in the way of resolving forgiveness issues, usually, and essence demands eventual forgiveness in every situation for the total completion of karma.  This can take time, however.

B: So, does lack of forgiveness indicate karma?

K: So, Michael how can you forgive if the other person is continuously abusive to you?

Michaelgrp: Sometimes people mistake forgiveness for karmic completion. For example, you may think that you can get over an upset by simply "forgiving" the other person for their supposed transaction. 

L: I was getting that it is a release of judgment, that lets one release control issues... freeing essence from ego motives

Michaelgrp: Actually, karma completion happens when the other person can see and experience how you felt, and what you went through, when the karma was created. So, forgiveness sometimes feels artificial, when your essence gets that the karma is incomplete.

L: what usually needs to happen before you can forgive?

G: And, should you always forgive?

Michaelgrp: Forgiveness should not be mistaken for excusing inappropriate behavior or for martyrdom. 

G: Wouldn't withholding forgiveness create a certain kind of Karma in itself?

B: Does forgiveness help move a situation closer to karmic resolution?

Michaelgrp: Forgiveness is instead a setting aside of the viewpoint that the perpetrator's action has the power to control your destiny.  You have the power to control your destiny and when you forgive. You rise above and set aside the actions of others. The action of forgiveness is for you, and allows you to be in what Christ called a "state of grace" meaning the ability to live in the context of seeing your life as a generally happy one. That feeling that you are on the right path, and basically being fulfilled by your physical plane experiences. To fall from this state of grace, means to live in a context of unhappiness and difficulty. Not a worthwhile physical plane experience of existence. Forgiveness does not excuse people from karma pay back, but merely allows the higher self to direct the appropriate karmic completion to take place, and removes the karmic "juice" from the atmosphere.

L: So would you say forgiveness is a key to getting out of false personality and into essence?

Michaelgrp: L, yes.  

L: But if there is karma, your forgiveness will still feel incomplete to you?

G: Are you saying that inappropriate behavior should not be forgiven?

Michaelgrp: Forgiveness is also not to be mistaken for what metaphysical people often do which is to deny their expressions of anger and need for justice. To pretend to forgive in order to look metaphysically correct, is to achieve nothing, you will still be miserable, not in a state of grace, and incapable of happiness until you truly allow yourself to rise above the offense. It is sometimes easier to be passive, and resistant, than to express your disappointment or needs for boundaries around someone who has been inappropriate in your direction. Also, the expression of any true feeling, even anger, creates intimacy with the other person. And if you are very angry, the tendency to withhold intimacy is great. (Because you may not trust the other person with it). However, to express the Truth is the only way to move beyond anger and pain into a state of neutrality and to fully forgive, and to turn justice over to your higher power.

L: Truth....it can be so hard to face....

B: Doing so appropriately is not something most of are taught...it has to be learned

Michaelgrp: Right, B, this is something that has to be learned. It is very easy to form a cloud of denial and righteous indignation around oneself in order to avoid the intimacy and vulnerability of calling someone to task for their behavior. By holding onto judgment, however, you are not only hurting yourself, but denying the other person of the lesson that you may be able to offer them.

G: I find that, after confrontation, I want to run and hide, not forgive, particularly.

Michaelgrp: G, the tendency to run and hide after confrontation is universal. Out of embarrassment, and the inability to stand up for yourself while in intensity.

G: That's good to know - just learning about confrontation.

L: So do you think I should tell my friend who I feel is being judgmental, call him on it--I have felt it's not my "right"

Michaelgrp: L, absolutely. You have the obligation if this person is truly your friend to tell him that some of his opinions are being interpreted in your heart as judgmental and that makes you feel sad and uncomfortable for him. If you discuss this with him in a non-judgmental way, he may be embarrassed but he will ultimately be grateful for the direction.

B: Sometimes people act obnoxious, but are really crying out for help.

Michaelgrp: These people you are talking about may not be aware of the impact they are having on the rest of you. For example, they are upset, and frustrated, trying to express their  own anger, and are not thinking about their impact. If you say, neutrally, "I don't know if it was your intention, but when you said/did this, I felt fear, alienated, pain, or judged, etc." That way, you are taking full responsibility for your own reactions, not blaming the person but just letting them know what reactions they are bringing out in you. If someone responds that they do not care about your feelings then you need to make it clear to yourself and that person that even though you forgive their inappropriate actions or words, you cannot allow yourself to be in intimate settings with them in the future if they refuse to consider your feelings and at least attempt to communicate or behave in a way that doesn't hurt you.

G: Thank you. You have just answered a major question for me.

L: assertiveness...that can be hard too,

Michaelgrp: Assertiveness, yes, can be difficult for some, because past memories lead you to believe that you will not be "safe" around the expression of anger or upset. That is something many people learn in childhood, that it is not safe to express their disappointments, boundaries, etc.

K: Michael, I have closed all door to communication with my ET because of his abusive nature, believe that you will not be "safe" around the expression of anger or upset.

P&D: You guys have a great opportunity to really resolve a conflict that may be between your two essences. I would take the opportunity to work on this regardless of the pain you may have. It needs to "come up" and get out.

Michaelgrp: Right, we agree, because ET's mirror each other psychologically, even if you feel yourself to be the "abused" it is coming up because something within yourself needs to learn the lesson of how to deal with it.

L: I think dreams can help you do a lot of healing work. 

K: Yeah but he sneaks around, lies and abuses people in dreams too. It's like he just won't stop.

Michaelgrp: He is cording you heavily and even in your dreams, you feel insecure about holding your own space. This is often because you have not fully expressed your anger towards him, and therefore are living in a martyred state to the relationship.  You may need to contact him directly, by phone letter or in person to let him know that you will no longer tolerate his energy in your space, as long as it is abusive and let him know exactly what he has done and said that upset you.

K: I've tried. Pleaded. Joked. Brought support people.

L: you two probably have a lot of karma to work out and he can't handle it yet--you make him afraid because you mirror him so well and he wants to deny himself, so he takes it out on you

B: Michael, how useful is it to role-play telling someone off...

Michaelgrp: B, role playing can be helpful, particularly in preparing you for future situations. And when the other person is not receptive to your communications. Ultimately, you will find a person who upsets you, and who you CAN communicate with, and by working it out with them, you become more bonded, higher in self- esteem, and more able to handle people in general in the future.

B: When I was having problems with my TC, I was advised to work on better communication with others and that seemed to take the edge off. 

Michaelgrp: ...because of the intense mirroring that takes place between ET's, this is a perfect relationship for practicing communication skills and forgiveness!

Michaelgrp: It is very easy to become infuriated with an ET or TC, because people get used to the telepathic, perfectly compatible elements to the relationship, and then stunned and dismayed when they run up against an area of incompatibility, miscommunication and psychic mis-reading of each other.

P&D: Do people have problems with their TC or is it just self karma stuff?

Michaelgrp: Yes, people can have problems with their TC's though usually ET's are a more explosive relationship. Remember that very intimate relationships have great expectations and vulnerability laid upon them, and no human being is balanced and cheerful every single moment. In fact, human beings are designed for the trials and errors of the physical plane, and are therefore, mistake-making machines. By definition...

P&D: Thanks, that's good to know. I feel normal now - D

Michaelgrp: Every intimate relationship, whether with an ET or TC or someone else, will have a challenge built into it by your essences that may seem impossible to overcome when it is faced. We have not met anyone who has avoided this. It cannot be avoided because it is the growth path for the intimate relationship for that lifetime. P&D, for instance, have to work on P's desire to always be perfect and therefore go inward, when he feels imperfect; and D's response which is to feel unloved and abandoned, because that is what she feels when she feels imperfect. Most of this "imperfection "shows up when you are swamped with taking care of the needs of other, rather than yourselves. We just can't help ourselves, people are very important to us and we want to be supportive to all of our friends and family.  

P&D: This is a great tool for better intimacy between us.

Michaelgrp: P&D, yes, and you will learn to balance your support of others with some self-forgiveness. For not always being able to be perfect and in control.

B: Hanging out here and letting all our insecurities shine is great for learning to be humble 

Michaelgrp: We need to talk a little about self-forgiveness, relative to the earlier topic.

Michaelgrp: It is extremely important to recognize that you were put here to be fallible, even though the occasional "perfect" moment feels so good. If you can be reasonable and kind in your expectations of yourself, it will be much easier for you to be in agape, or unconditional love, of others. Until you learn to unconditionally love and that means tolerate and accept your own "flawed" self, and the flawed selves of others, you cannot complete your cycle of lifetimes on the physical plane. Realize that it is most difficult to be in self-forgiveness and acceptance whenever your survival feels threatened.

L: Or your personality feels threatened, eh?

Michaelgrp: Yes.