Michaelgrp: What about forgiveness in particular?
L: What it has to do with ego and essence.
Michaelgrp: Do you have an example of the kind of
forgiveness you are looking for?
L: Essence driven motives vs. ego. Well, kind of this victim-pattern I have
been dealing with in myself and others for a long time, trying to figure it out.
Michaelgrp: People often mistake forgiveness for an
interactive quality. It is not that. Forgiveness is a state of being wherein a
personal decision is made to overlook a hurt or miscommunication or cruelty for
the purpose of rising above the state of misery that exists when you are in pain
and anger and have not forgiven yet. Ego
gets in the way of resolving forgiveness issues, usually, and essence demands
eventual forgiveness in every situation for the total completion of karma.
This can take time, however.
B: So, does lack of forgiveness indicate karma?
K: So, Michael how can you forgive if the other person is continuously
abusive to you?
Michaelgrp: Sometimes people mistake forgiveness for
karmic completion. For example, you may think that you can get over an upset by
simply "forgiving" the other person for their supposed transaction.
L: I was getting that it is a release of judgment, that lets one release
control issues... freeing essence from ego motives
Michaelgrp: Actually, karma completion happens when
the other person can see and experience how you felt, and what you went through,
when the karma was created. So, forgiveness sometimes feels artificial, when
your essence gets that the karma is incomplete.
L: what usually needs to happen before you can forgive?
G: And, should you always forgive?
Michaelgrp: Forgiveness should not be mistaken for
excusing inappropriate behavior or for martyrdom.
G: Wouldn't withholding forgiveness create a certain kind of Karma in itself?
B: Does forgiveness help move a situation closer to karmic resolution?
Michaelgrp: Forgiveness is instead a setting aside
of the viewpoint that the perpetrator's action has the power to control your
destiny. You have the power to control your destiny and when you forgive.
You rise above and set aside the actions of others. The action of forgiveness is
for you, and allows you to be in what Christ called a "state of grace" meaning
the ability to live in the context of seeing your life as a generally happy one.
That feeling that you are on the right path, and basically being fulfilled by
your physical plane experiences. To fall from this state of grace, means to live
in a context of unhappiness and difficulty. Not a worthwhile physical plane
experience of existence. Forgiveness does not excuse people from karma pay back,
but merely allows the higher self to direct the appropriate karmic completion to
take place, and removes the karmic "juice" from the atmosphere.
L: So would you say forgiveness is a key to getting out of false personality
and into essence?
Michaelgrp: L, yes.
L: But if there is karma, your forgiveness will still feel incomplete to you?
G: Are you saying that inappropriate behavior should not be forgiven?
Michaelgrp: Forgiveness is also not to be mistaken
for what metaphysical people often do which is to deny their expressions of
anger and need for justice. To pretend to forgive in order to look
metaphysically correct, is to achieve nothing, you will still be miserable, not
in a state of grace, and incapable of happiness until you truly allow yourself
to rise above the offense. It is sometimes easier to be passive, and resistant,
than to express your disappointment or needs for boundaries around someone who
has been inappropriate in your direction. Also, the expression of any true
feeling, even anger, creates intimacy with the other person. And if you are very
angry, the tendency to withhold intimacy is great. (Because you may not trust
the other person with it). However, to express the Truth is the only way to move
beyond anger and pain into a state of neutrality and to fully forgive, and to
turn justice over to your higher power.
L: Truth....it can be so hard to face....
B: Doing so appropriately is not something most of are taught...it has to be
Michaelgrp: Right, B, this is something that has to
be learned. It is very easy to form a cloud of denial and righteous indignation
around oneself in order to avoid the intimacy and vulnerability of calling
someone to task for their behavior. By holding onto judgment, however, you are
not only hurting yourself, but denying the other person of the lesson that you
may be able to offer them.
G: I find that, after confrontation, I want to run and hide, not forgive,
Michaelgrp: G, the tendency to run and hide after
confrontation is universal. Out of embarrassment, and the inability to stand up
for yourself while in intensity.
G: That's good to know - just learning about confrontation.
L: So do you think I should tell my friend who I feel is being judgmental,
call him on it--I have felt it's not my "right"
Michaelgrp: L, absolutely. You have the obligation
if this person is truly your friend to tell him that some of his opinions are
being interpreted in your heart as judgmental and that makes you feel sad and
uncomfortable for him. If you discuss this with him in a non-judgmental way, he
may be embarrassed but he will ultimately be grateful for the direction.
B: Sometimes people act obnoxious, but are really crying out for help.
Michaelgrp: These people you are talking about may
not be aware of the impact they are having on the rest of you. For example, they
are upset, and frustrated, trying to express their own anger, and are not
thinking about their impact. If you say, neutrally, "I don't know if it was your
intention, but when you said/did this, I felt fear, alienated, pain, or judged,
etc." That way, you are taking full responsibility for your own reactions, not
blaming the person but just letting them know what reactions they are bringing
out in you. If someone responds that they do not care about your feelings then
you need to make it clear to yourself and that person that even though you
forgive their inappropriate actions or words, you cannot allow yourself to be in
intimate settings with them in the future if they refuse to consider your
feelings and at least attempt to communicate or behave in a way that doesn't
G: Thank you. You have just answered a major question for me.
L: assertiveness...that can be hard too,
Michaelgrp: Assertiveness, yes, can be difficult for
some, because past memories lead you to believe that you will not be "safe"
around the expression of anger or upset. That is something many people learn in
childhood, that it is not safe to express their disappointments, boundaries,
K: Michael, I have closed all door to communication with my ET because of his
abusive nature, believe that you will not be "safe" around the expression of
anger or upset.
P&D: You guys have a great opportunity to really resolve a conflict that may
be between your two essences. I would take the opportunity to work on this
regardless of the pain you may have. It needs to "come up" and get out.
Michaelgrp: Right, we agree, because ET's mirror
each other psychologically, even if you feel yourself to be the "abused" it is
coming up because something within yourself needs to learn the lesson of how to
deal with it.
L: I think dreams can help you do a lot of healing work.
K: Yeah but he sneaks around, lies and abuses people in dreams too. It's like
he just won't stop.
Michaelgrp: He is cording you heavily and even in
your dreams, you feel insecure about holding your own space. This is often
because you have not fully expressed your anger towards him, and therefore are
living in a martyred state to the relationship. You may need to contact
him directly, by phone letter or in person to let him know that you will no
longer tolerate his energy in your space, as long as it is abusive and let him
know exactly what he has done and said that upset you.
K: I've tried. Pleaded. Joked. Brought support people.
L: you two probably have a lot of karma to work out and he can't handle it
yet--you make him afraid because you mirror him so well and he wants to deny
himself, so he takes it out on you
B: Michael, how useful is it to role-play telling someone off...
Michaelgrp: B, role playing can be helpful,
particularly in preparing you for future situations. And when the other person
is not receptive to your communications. Ultimately, you will find a person who
upsets you, and who you CAN communicate with, and by working it out with them,
you become more bonded, higher in self- esteem, and more able to handle people
in general in the future.
B: When I was having problems with my TC, I was advised to work on better
communication with others and that seemed to take the edge off.
Michaelgrp: ...because of the intense mirroring that
takes place between ET's, this is a perfect relationship for practicing
communication skills and forgiveness!
Michaelgrp: It is very easy to become infuriated
with an ET or TC, because people get used to the telepathic, perfectly
compatible elements to the relationship, and then stunned and dismayed when they
run up against an area of incompatibility, miscommunication and psychic mis-reading
of each other.
P&D: Do people have problems with their TC or is it just self karma stuff?
Michaelgrp: Yes, people can have problems with their
TC's though usually ET's are a more explosive relationship. Remember that very
intimate relationships have great expectations and vulnerability laid upon them,
and no human being is balanced and cheerful every single moment. In fact, human
beings are designed for the trials and errors of the physical plane, and are
therefore, mistake-making machines. By definition...
P&D: Thanks, that's good to know. I feel normal now - D
Michaelgrp: Every intimate relationship, whether
with an ET or TC or someone else, will have a challenge built into it by your
essences that may seem impossible to overcome when it is faced. We have not met
anyone who has avoided this. It cannot be avoided because it is the growth path
for the intimate relationship for that lifetime. P&D, for instance, have to work
on P's desire to always be perfect and therefore go inward, when he feels
imperfect; and D's response which is to feel unloved and abandoned, because that
is what she feels when she feels imperfect. Most of this "imperfection "shows up
when you are swamped with taking care of the needs of other, rather than
yourselves. We just can't help ourselves, people are very important to us and we
want to be supportive to all of our friends and family.
P&D: This is a great tool for better intimacy between us.
Michaelgrp: P&D, yes, and you will learn to balance
your support of others with some self-forgiveness. For not always being able to
be perfect and in control.
B: Hanging out here and letting all our insecurities shine is great for
learning to be humble
Michaelgrp: We need to talk a little about
self-forgiveness, relative to the earlier topic.
Michaelgrp: It is extremely important to recognize that you were put here
to be fallible, even though the occasional "perfect" moment feels so good. If
you can be reasonable and kind in your expectations of yourself, it will be much
easier for you to be in agape, or unconditional love, of others. Until you learn
to unconditionally love and that means tolerate and accept your own "flawed"
self, and the flawed selves of others, you cannot complete your cycle of
lifetimes on the physical plane. Realize that it is most difficult to be in
self-forgiveness and acceptance whenever your survival feels threatened.