How to Deal With Toxic
Channeled By David Gregg
We prefer not to use the term "toxic" in our description of
difficult fragments, but would rather describe challenging personalities as
souls who are simply in need of more love. Difficult fragments are often
desperate to fill a hole in their soul that was either torn during an episode
of physical or emotional abuse, and/or damaged by an irrational fear that has
fed off their energy like an emotional cancer. Challenging personalities, of course, lash out
at you as a cry for attention, but they do so in such a dysfunctional way that
they drive away those people whom they hoped might fill their void. In most
cases, giving attention to their pain only solidifies their illusion.
The conundrum faced is that the more you try to help the
fragment, the deeper they will slide into their own self-inflicted exile of fear.
They are usually incapable of seeing the illusions they have erected, and attempts to
change their behavior rarely results in a positive outcome. The prevailing new
age wisdom is then true: you can't change people who are unwilling to change, but
you can, however, change yourself.
The solution, as we see it, is to examine your own feelings
about why you experience a charge around a difficult fragment. Is there
anything about the person that somehow mirrors a darker dungeon within?
Challenging people can be a gift in disguise, for they alert you to areas
within yourself that cry out for more neutrality. On the other hand, having to
interact with a difficult fragment on a daily basis can be a daunting task, so we
offer three suggestions to assist you.
1) Identify Your Triggers
To learn about your negative reactions you must become aware
of the subconscious triggers that other people set-off inside of you. Triggers
act like ambassadors of your fear that lobby on behalf of your chief features.
Your triggers, then, provide an excellent way to spot those nagging doubts and
insecurities that lurk just below the surface of your psyche. To remove these
triggers from the shadows, you only need to shine the light of truth on their
Identifying a trigger, however, is only the first step in the
process. To release the negative charge of a trigger, you must first consider
the emotional attachments you've nurtured to cultivate and sustain the fear
for so long. Your attachments, in this case, relate to the emotional
security you've derived from clinging to beliefs about yourself that bare no
resemblance to reality.
Take, for example, a nagging doubt you've had about your
ability to speak in public. You fear such a scenario because you are convinced
you will fail, so you create an emotional attachment to this because it
protects you from the shame of having your flaw spotlighted in the public
arena. The insidious part is that although you believe you are protecting
yourself, when your fear is triggered by the action of another, it often
reacts like a trapped animal and lashes out inappropriately. The irony, of
course, is that in many instances you were fighting against something that
wasn't real in the first place.
When you harbor emotional attachments you only increase the
likelihood that when another fragment triggers your fear, the vicious circle
will continue. We suggest that you
identify your triggers, shine the light of truth upon them, and ban them
from your domain. There are many healing modalities available to assist
you with this task, but identifying your triggers is the important first step.
2) Create a Neutral Space
Similar to the way the Earth's atmosphere protects all life on
your planet from harmful radiation, when you create a neutral space, you are
protecting yourself from the toxic energy of others. The idea is to develop
the confidence that toxic energy directed your way will harmlessly bounce off
your protective shield. This is not so much a force field that you are
erecting, but a state of mind. It's a way to subvert the negative offerings of
challenging personalities, and learn that, with the exception of karma, if you allow any individual to disempower the vitality of your
spirit, it is a choice.
There is great power in learning how to control your reactions
in negative situations. To create a neutral space, all that is required then,
is a willingness to trust that you have the inner strength to do so. Although
your centering can certainly add its own set of challenges to this objective, choosing to react to antagonism in a negative
manner is still a choice.
Being in a neutral space is not dissimilar to sitting in a
seat at a theater. On the stage there may be a cast of characters all vying
for your attention, hoping to lure you into the dramatic arc of their story,
and indeed, you may choose to become emotionally invested in the tenor of each
scene. But you are also able to detach from the events on the stage at any
time. Why? Because the events happening on the stage are an illusion; they are
Your life, of course, is not make believe, but if you teach
yourself to observe that the people around you are just actors on stage trying
to play the roles they have been assigned in their script, it will become
easier for you to detach from the inappropriate behavior of others, and
possibly see your world from a perspective that's less annoyed by the
melodrama in life.
We are not implying that you should go through life utterly
devoid of feeling, but once again, like the choice you have to get involved in
the drama of a theatrical performance, you can also choose the level of
involvement you wish to give to the behavior of a challenging personality.
Remember that these fragments are reading from a different script than your
own. And since you are the director of your own life, you have the final say
if you want to act in their play or choose to audition for another.
3) Use the Technique of Mirroring
Another tool that can be used when dealing with a challenging
personality is a technique we call "mirroring." This technique can be used to
deal with the negative pole of any overleaf, but lets take the attitude as an example.
If you can identify the negative pole of the attitude
projected by a fragment, an effective response is to mirror a reflection of
the positive pole from their complementary
attitude. For example, if the fragment is in the negative pole of skeptic, try
to reflect the positive pole of idealism. The intention is to become a mirror
of the most appropriate behavior. This, of course, is a variant on the
hands-across technique, but in this case, you are doing the work for the other
person. By practicing this, you are employing a fundamental law of social
conditioning, where the most consistent pattern of behavior is eventually
adopted. If the individual is not completely shut down, this technique can be
Questions may arise concerning the manipulative nature of this
technique, but we see the technique as a means to help move the energy of
another fragment in a positive way. It is, after all, a choice, if someone
chooses to adopt the patterns you are modeling.
On the other hand, mirroring is most effective when it is
given with a sincere interest in assisting another soul on their journey.
Using the technique to simply "get something" from another person, is not good
work, and not the purpose we envision when using this tool.
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